so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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