Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
