yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
