Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
