Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
