Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
