After last night, I could never be a politician.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
