On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
