She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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