Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
