I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
pray to the hookup gods
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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