I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
