don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
