I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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