yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
