Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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