I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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