my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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