They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
