Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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