someone threw a dead crab at me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
