I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
