these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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