Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
