Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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