I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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