i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
