There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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