R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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