I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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