just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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