Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
