Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
