Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
