Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
