so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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