So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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