Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
should my penis look like a turkey
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
