I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
