just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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