I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
