You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
