Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
