so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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