I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
