I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i believe in u and ur pee
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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