My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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