when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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