So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did I show you my penis last night?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
