I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
