it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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